Reactivity - a meaningful portal to change

One of my activities in 2019 was taking a class organized by the St. Louis YWCA based on the book Witnessing Whiteness, by Shelly Tochluk.  We were a group of 20 white people exploring together the history of whiteness, how and why it began, the unearned privilege that goes along with it, and a beginning discovery of what’s next.  The experience clarified my understanding of myself and the world I live in, and also deepened my understanding of the origins and structure of systemic power abuses, which do not occur accidentally.

To dismantle structural systems of power abuse and domination, I believe that in addition to actions we take in the world, we need to turn toward the places within ourselves where we’ve internalized those systems. In other words, we need to turn towards the personal and collective trauma which resides within each of us: the places where we react instead of respond.  We need to bring our presence and curiosity to the  places in our bodies and nervous systems where a part of us remains stuck or frozen, which, when unconscious, lead to us either unconsciously acting out of power abuse or enabling it to continue to us or around us.

Practice begins with a willingness to be curious and turn towards our own reactivity: to notice when we’re afraid and lashing out in contempt, running away, defending, freezing inside, avoiding or stonewalling.  The first step of noticing our reactivity is easier than it may seem:

In what interactions does your heart pound? Your pulse rate begin to rise or significantly slow? When do you notice yourself planning your response instead of listening? Closing down to possibilities? Endlessly replaying mentally what you wish had been your response? Or fantasizing about another reality? These are some (not all) signifiers of reactivity, which is a wake-up call to embodied presence.  

One of the ways the roots of our reactivity stay hidden from awareness is thinking something like, “In this instance my reactivity is justified because the problem is in the other (person, gender, group, etc.)”   There may be a need to focus on the other, and we may indeed need to take external actions.

However, since abandoning our own inner process doesn’t lead to anything new, innovative, connecting, or healing, we also need to turn within.

Practicing open, curious mind; compassionate heart; and grounded actions / willingness aligns our minds, hearts and bodies, empowers us, and orients us with shared power.  Regular practice makes it easier to notice a drift, so we can cultivate curiosity and turn toward what is happening within us instead.  It’s important to remind ourselves that reactivity and shutting down is part of a coping system:  actually it’s most likely a protection that was beneficial at an earlier stage of development.  One of my teachers, Thomas Huebl, calls these behaviors “childhood heroes.”  I like that because it reminds me that the path is to turn towards what is happening within me not with blame or harshness for my reactivity, but with compassion and curiosity to  enable learning and another possibility to emerge.  This moves me into facing, discovery, relating and responding (relationship and response-ability) which is the ground of dismantling systems of oppression and moving into empowerment and shared power instead.  One step at a time!

As we complete 2019 and move into 2020 - a new day, year and decade, my intention for myself and wish for all of us is turning towards our reactivity with curiosity and compassion to discovery new possibilities that honor the life flowing through each us, and honor our interconnection with all beings. 

Blessings to you and Happy New Year!

Rhonda

P.S.  Join me for my Embodied Integrity Playshop Series - 3 months beginning January 17.  

Details here.  

About Time, Solstice and Love

In her article about the great turning, Joanna Macy writes, "The Great Turning is a name for the essential adventure of our time: the shift from the Industrial Growth Society to a life-sustaining civilization."

I'm intrigued by processes.  And how a big process such as the one Joanna Macy writes about is composed of many smaller, more intimate and detailed processes, which include the personal level, and even the moment to moment level.  Then I wonder, how am I called to participate within myself, with others and with larger communities? 


I notice when I focus on the whole process, sometimes I feel overwhelmed.  When I locate myself in this moment, include the personal processes of my life AND the intersections with larger cultural movements, I feel excited!

Also, I am fascinated by nature's movements, such as the rhythm cycles of a breath, a day, the moon, and the seasons.  Winter Solstice is one of my favorite times of the year.  I imagine Nature inviting me to embrace darkness, stillness, contemplation, and 'just being-ness', so that I can attune, realign, complete, and discover what is now, and also what wants to emerge through me.  So that I can remember...

We are interconnected (and sometimes we forget).  We are whole and the universe lives inside us.  We individuals make up a larger collective, of families, communities, cultures, nature, and our world.

We are called (and sometimes we don't or can't hear it).  Our personal evolution calls us.  Nature and our climate call us.  Trauma and our personal, familial, and cultural hurts call us.  Inequities call us.  Justice calls us.  Our hearts call us.  Spirit calls us.  Time calls us.  The future calls us.  Loves calls us.

For years, many of us have heeded the call to heal, transform, grow, and work on ourselves and our relationships.  Many have stepped into activist roles to turn the tide toward values such as compassion, justice, truth, love, balance, and sustainability.

And this continues.....  challenging times, with a hurt environment, climate change, species disappearing, racial injustice, genocide, social challenges and abuses of power will require us to inhabit our wholeness, mature ourselves, and show up to face what's happening, respond, and contribute to creative next steps aligned with what matters most.

Aligning with our personal timing, or essence pace, is an aspect of embodiment.  The circles of the seasons, cycles of the moon, rhythms of light and darkness, and movements of our breath delineate our experience of time.  When we harmonize our individual essence pace with the larger movements of nature and the universe, we feel supported, with the wind is at our backs, as if life is being conducted through us, as us.

As we enter into the Solstice, I'm wishing you joy, peace, fulfillment and ongoing discovery.  Also Happy Holidays in whatever ways you choose to celebrate.

with love,
Rhonda


P.S.

I've created a few events in the next several weeks which resonate with what I'm experiencing, what I have to offer, and what I feel called to step into and share:

I'm delighted to have met Sophia Alexander through my connection with the Thomas Huebl community recently, and to be collaborating with her to co-lead a Solstice Gathering tomorrow evening, as well as an event on January 11.

I'm excited to be offering Embodiment Playshops, and have put together a series of three beginning January 17.  The Embodied Integrity Playshops are my own version of what I've learned from the Hendricks, Thomas Huebl, and my own life experience and practice, including healing trauma.  They include movement, play, meditation, wholeness / interconnection within ourselves, as well as refining our alignment with our hearts, our purpose, calling, and generously expressing and sharing in our lives.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Embodied Integrity

Embodied integrity practices begin with cultivating presence.

Presence starts with body sensations – inhabiting our bodies and sensing in and through our embodied experience.

Presence deepens as we attune with and include subtle energetic movements within our embodied awareness.

Presence deepens as we notice our thoughts, and feel their energetic tone and impact on our experience.

Presence integrates as we progress in our capacity to include physical, emotional, and mental dimensions within our awareness, and easily shift attention among these three areas.

Presence expands with a sense of spaciousness.

Spaciousness opens up our capacity to bridge past and future and to begin to digest past, unresolved experiences which allows new possibilities to emerge.

Spaciousness opens up our capacity to relate with others, and to attune with their experiences whether they are similar or different than ours.

Spaciousness allows us to notice the impact of our behaviors.

Spaciousness allows us to sense cultural dynamics which we are a part of and which are a part of us.

Join me to practice presence:

* Wed, Oct 9 - Big Leap Bridge Online Class (zoom)

* Fri, Oct 18 - Embodiment Playshop at the St. Louis Wellness Center

Channeling

Whenever I read or hear about someone who says they channel their work, or channel another entity, I am intrigued.  What I understand is another -- higher, more evolved, better...? -- source is being cited.

I wonder, higher than what?

Usually I don't perceive harm or intended harm in these claims, although a claim to channel a more highly evolved source could be used as an attempt manipulate others.  Mostly though it seems to be a way to separate from ego structures, as if to say, "I am not claiming that I am evolved, and look, my creation is!"

This perspective inspires sadness in me.  I'm sad that we live in a world where we believe a better answer can come from somewhere outside us.  I'm sad that many people, including me, still struggle at least some of the time with reliably trusting ourselves, and our own resources and creativity.

When we ground ourselves in who we are and how we actually are in this moment, AND open ourselves to the freshness of discovery, grace, insight, creativity, we bridge our past, present, and futures into a new possibility.  We channel who and how we are becoming.

Thomas Huebl speaks of it as locating our particular cosmic address:
- Grounding in this moment right here, right now, including whatever remains unresolved.
- Attuning with our bodies, emotions, and thoughts, as well as a sense of spaciousness.
- Connecting ever more subtly with spaciousness not as a way to avoid or disconnect from embodiment, but as an expansion of embodiment, into what's new and what's next.

People channel in many ways, including movement practices such as ecstatic dance, yoga, tai chi, martial arts; stillness practices such as meditation, contemplation, and prayerful listening; and engaging in what they love to do, which Gay and Katie Hendricks describe about discovering and living in genius.

Happy Channeling!

"Scared" is an Invitation to Self-Connect & Align with Your Inner Guidance

"Scared" is a feeling,
as well as a reflection of the current state of our nervous system.
Like all feelings,
fear needs to be included within awareness
and fully responded to
for us to be at home in embodied wholeness.

Fear blocks us from self-connection,
responsibility, and empowered actions
especially when we are numb to it or avoiding it.
What we are actually avoiding is ourselves.

When we are scared or anxious, our fear needs attention,
and connecting with it supports us to recognize
and align with our inner, felt wisdom of “yes” and “no.”

When we choose an  evolutionary path,
continually choosing to open to discovery, connect,
and expand capacity for love, contribution and fulfillment,
we continue to discover pockets of fear within.

 How people discover their inner blocks
- fragments of fear -
may vary from person to person.
For me, interactions with people
tend to show me my inner blocks.

Presencing fear-blocks,
which is another way to say trauma,
especially through connection with someone
who is sensitively attuned to feelings / energy,
allows fear which was fragmenting and blocked
to release into our wholeness
and re-join our greater flow.


Contemplation questions to wonder about:

- How do I notice when I feel stuck, anxious, defensive or afraid?

- When  I notice any of those states, how do I experience that in my body?

- How can I support myself ( or receive support ) to sustain attention with my experience in a friendly way so that I can connect more deeply with myself ?

- How can I appreciate myself for my willingness to engage on my path of discovery?

Yoga and Mastery

The topic of mastery is of interest to me.  I am a practitioner, student, teacher and teacher trainer of yoga who learned through a traditional guru-student tradition, which benefited me immensely.  I have not personally experience abuse of power in yoga.  Since I'm writing about mastery, power paradigms, and abuse of power, it is important to me to say that clearly, and to express my gratitude for the generosity and wisdom of my teachers, who made major impacts on my life.  I literally cannot imagine being here today without these transformative experiences.  *

I am aware of instances where power has been abused in teacher student relationships -- these things have been in the news and are being revealed.  I think moving into greater transparency, responsibility, and accountability, as well as a greater understanding of power dynamics, is good and much needed. 

The traditional way to learn yoga was (to be a man) and study with a guru - a master teacher.  Today, people are still drawn to learn from teachers and spiritual leaders they perceive as masters.

From Merriam-Webster, here are two definitions of mastery:

1. The first definition is: "a. the authority of a master : dominion" and "b: the upper hand in a contest or competition : superiority, ascendancy"

2. Merriam-Webster's second definition is: "a: possession or display of great skill or technique" and "b: skill or knowledge that makes one master of a subject : command"

When we admire someone who is highly skilled at what they do, we can consciously or unconsciously perceive them as more evolved in general.  For instance we might assume that a spinal surgeon knows all about rehabilitating a back injury without surgery.  We might trust that a political activist for social justice would be fair in their personal relationships.  We might believe that a yoga teacher who can do extreme yoga poses -- related to flexibility, strength, or balance -- behaves compassionately and respects personal boundaries.  We might assume that having mastery or a gift in one area will naturally include other areas. 

We might put a person on a pedestal even if the person we are admiring doesn't want to be perceived that way.  And, there are people who exploit others, who see themselves as better than, higher than, or more evolved than others and will intentionally take advantage.  There is a long line of people who have perpetuated this sort of abusive power-over in most every area of life:  entertainment, politics, business, religion, spirituality and yoga. 

There is another way we can perceive mastery, cultivating our ability to relate in an empowered way even as we acknowledge a person's mastery and gifts related to a particular topic or area of life.  In a competence hierarchy, people who have knowledge and wisdom and expertise can share that with others who want and choose to learn and/or receive their expertise, without giving away their own power and authority.  This paradigm of mastery is built on self-empowerment and responsibility, collaboration, and empowerment of others, and a valuing of all humans, all life, and nature. As we integrate this paradigm, we can expand our capacity to align our actions to value life and move toward restoration where there have been abuses of power.

~~

I’m launching two Embodied Leadership & Yoga Teacher Trainings this fall to share what I’ve accumulated in the 20 years I’ve delved into yoga, meditation, leadership, embodiment, and teaching.  I’m happy to share these with you!

* A foundational 200 hour training for people who want to deepen their knowledge and integration of yoga, and learn to teach, whether or not they plan to teach yoga.

* An advanced 300 hour training for people who have already completed their initial 200 hours, whether or not they are teaching or plan to.

All the information is on my website: evolutionaryyogacollective.com



* My c.v. is here, which includes my studies and major teachers!

Life is a Dance

Trauma is life energy that freezes, holds, or stops moving when faced with a situation that our autonomic nervous system (an automatic physiological response) classifies as life threatening.  This action protects -- or attempts to protect -- us.

While life exists, the possibility of healing exists too. 

Like springtime after a long, cold winter, the buds of life bloom again, and for those who are willing, the possibility of healing exists.

Just like the seasons, life is always moving. 

When we feel emotional pain that has a disproportionate intensity to it, we are contacting the energy that once couldn't move through.

Life wants to connect.

Emotional pain is a funny thing.  So often it's not about what we think it's about, although that doesn't make the experience of hurting any less real.  The emotional energies within long to be presenced, held in compassionate awareness.  We humans are wired to connect with ourselves and each other.

We are made of compassionate awareness.

However entrenched or stuck we may be, with compassionate, connected support, gradually the trauma re-emerges to be felt through, allowing the energy to move again.

Movements of Healing -- Choose Your Verb(s):
meeting how you are,
listening,
connecting,
participating with,
breathing,
feel-thinking,
loving,
creating,
collaborating,
expressing in a non-linear way through art, vocal expression
and dancing.  I saved the best for last.

The next class is October 10, 2019.

Schedule for upcoming Transformation Playground Dance Classes