Responding to Fear is Love & the Most Important Step

The most important step is the one beneath our feet. 

I love growth and evolutionary processes.  I named my business Transformation Playground because I like remembering that there are a multitude of ways to return home to ourselves, restore, discover, transform, create and connect.  I like remembering that transforming can be playful!

And, sometimes I get impatient and want to have a different experience, be further along in my journey, or for other people to be different.  In the moments I am not accepting and inhabiting where and how I am right here, right now, fear is present. 

Fear is a big deal, and must be met, felt, respected, and responded to.  Suppressed fear fragments perception and diminishes possibilities and presence.  Another way to say it is, suppressed fear creates absence, and when we are absent, we turn away from connecting to what is.  

Fear is an emotion which provides an important developmental, evolutionary function -- protection and connection.  In early life, when we've crawled or walked as far from our caregivers as we're ready to, fear calls us to reconnect and return to the lap of our caregiver.

As adults, when we're not aware that we're afraid, we can't respond appropriately as it's hard to respond to something we're not directly aware of.  Also, when we're not aware that we are afraid, our capacity for discernment about what's happening in and around us is reduced -- increasing our vulnerability to manipulation or danger. Depending on how our nervous systems cope with fear, we may shut down, avoid what we need to face, or become reactive and more prone to fighting and violence. 

It's important to acknowledge that fear-related trauma responses such as numbing, avoiding, freezing, and shutting down part of our nervous system are intelligent functions to put aside what we are unable to deal with in the moment.  Our nervous systems have evolved to allow us the capacity to hold unprocessed fear until we have the space and support to allow it to move through.  This is amazing!  Seen through this context, the trauma response is not a problem, it's a gift.  (I want to make clear that I'm not saying that whatever caused the trauma was a gift.  Violence, war, racism, neglect, absence, environmental abuse, genocides, abuses of power, etc. are manifestations of separation which must be attended to and restored individually, collectively and globally.)

Seen in this context, fear is not the opposite of love.  Fear is an emotion which is an expression of love:  an emotion of connection and returning home to ourselves.  

"Scared" is an Invitation to Self-Connect & Align with Your Inner Guidance

"Scared" is a feeling,
as well as a reflection of the current state of our nervous system.
Like all feelings,
fear needs to be included within awareness
and fully responded to
for us to be at home in embodied wholeness.

Fear blocks us from self-connection,
responsibility, and empowered actions
especially when we are numb to it or avoiding it.
What we are actually avoiding is ourselves.

When we are scared or anxious, our fear needs attention,
and connecting with it supports us to recognize
and align with our inner, felt wisdom of “yes” and “no.”

When we choose an  evolutionary path,
continually choosing to open to discovery, connect,
and expand capacity for love, contribution and fulfillment,
we continue to discover pockets of fear within.

 How people discover their inner blocks
- fragments of fear -
may vary from person to person.
For me, interactions with people
tend to show me my inner blocks.

Presencing fear-blocks,
which is another way to say trauma,
especially through connection with someone
who is sensitively attuned to feelings / energy,
allows fear which was fragmenting and blocked
to release into our wholeness
and re-join our greater flow.


Contemplation questions to wonder about:

- How do I notice when I feel stuck, anxious, defensive or afraid?

- When  I notice any of those states, how do I experience that in my body?

- How can I support myself ( or receive support ) to sustain attention with my experience in a friendly way so that I can connect more deeply with myself ?

- How can I appreciate myself for my willingness to engage on my path of discovery?

Fear

April 5 at 2:58pm
Hi!

I’m writing to you about a topic near and dear to my heart (and my stomach), and something that I’ve been experiencing, welcoming, dancing with lately: Fear. Lots has been written about it. I know of many perspectives on fear, and ways to deal with it, and I’m guessing you do, too.

What I want to know is: How is your relationship with fear? Do you ‘handle it’? Presence it? Dance with it? Judge it? Ignore it? Feel it? Play with it? Magnify it? Empathize with it? Transcend it? Transform it? Something else…?

What’s fear like for you? How does it feel? When you’re scared, how do you know you’re scared?

Hmmmmm, I wonder…

Sometimes when I feel scared, I notice it first as a sensation in my body – such as a clenching under my ribs. Sometimes I notice fear as a quickening of my heartbeat, and a (sometimes subtle) jerking, flinching, surging sensation through my body, rather than the flow and relaxation that is often present inside me. Sometimes I experience myself stopping – holding my breath briefly after a shallow inhale, or abruptly stopping / freezing my shoulders – and it is not until the next breath begins that I notice that I had been ‘stopped,’ afraid.

Sitting in my office chair downstairs writing this, I feel some tension under my collarbones. I notice a voice inside saying that I am not ready to be writing to you – that I have not grown and developed enough yet, and that I should wait. This voice wants to protect me and keep me safe, and also to keep my life predictable. Also, underneath this voice is a desire to excel at what I do. I’m breathing, noticing my collarbones expanding and lightening, and feeling a knot under my ribs. As I breath, the sensation under my ribs grows and grows. Now it’s excitement! I’m asking the voice who desires excellence to help me be as excellent as I can in writing this to you, and as excellent as I can be in my life. Yes! I’m writing this to you now from a unified sense inside me, excited, eager to share, open, ready to learn, and ready to accept whatever happens. Feels like I am all here now. Zowie!

I am curious about how fear can affect taking action (or not taking action), and have been wondering what I can learn about fear, action, and timing for the last several weeks. What I’ve noticed is that when I’m afraid and relax deeply into acceptance and welcoming everything happening inside me, sometimes the sensations of fear dissolve within seconds and I easefully shift into action. At other times, it is as if the fear is calling me to rest, lay low, be still, to integrate, breathe, and just love and accept myself as I am in that moment. To love myself just because. I find that taking action, especially forceful action, when something deep within my being is calling for rest creates a split inside me. Through presence, love, and openness to learning, I’m resting into a more trusting experience with life more often than I ever have before. I feel an expansion in my throat and jaw, like a sunrise. Marvelous!

One tangible result of my recent explorations of fear is that I am finding myself consistently able to be more present with the people I am close to, even in situations where previously I didn’t have the capacity. This is a big celebration to me. Right now I am thinking of my children, and how much I like feeling close to them … my heart feels warm.

I’m celebrating all the people who have joined this group so far, celebrating so many wise ones who I know and love from the Para Yoga, NVC, and Conscious Loving communities. Will you share something about how you experience fear and what that is like for you?

I feel so happy when I imagine us sharing about fear, learning, being in community.

Joy!
Rhonda

P.S. This letter was originally posted to my 'Celebrate Life with Rhonda' group on facebook.